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All the Way

By August 29, 2017January 22nd, 2018One Comment

This morning, I listened to a recording of Frank Sinatra singing All the Way.  It’s been a long time since I’ve heard it.  I was immediately flooded with the romantic memories of listening to this song as I drove in a car with my boyfriend on a balmy, moonlit Miami night.  At that time, I felt adventurous, a deliciously just a bit out of control been but it was within understood boundaries that were rarely crossed.  My sexual life was a balancing act of exercising  self-determination while hearing my mother’s stark irritating, but unforgettable warnings, in my head

The title of the song, All the Way, was also a euphemism for avoiding the starker implications of sexual intimacy so long warned about to “nice girls.”  Only among close friends at college, would we talk skittishly about going all the way with a boyfriend.  Usually a long term boyfriend.  Remember this was before the pill liberated young people from the concerns of an unwanted pregnancy.  Sexual liberation for women was just a few short years away but it might as well have been a century away because the double standard and the risks involved in going all the way were intense and required a devil may care attitude that few of us could sustain without ingesting large amounts of alcohol.

Few young women I knew in college engaged in casual sex, particularly if marriage wasn’t waiting around the corner.  I’m sure fewer still engaged in sex with more than one partner.  Looking back, it all seems so prudish now by today’s standards.  So undercover as well.  The idea of a hook-up?  Unimaginable.

Yesterday I read an article about the current importance of mutual consent on campuses in sexual relationships.  Really??  Young men and women actually discuss such things now?  Remarkable.  Sensible too.  How times have changed.

Dianne Vapnek

In an attempt to slow life's quickening pace, I'm writing to share my personal perspective on the aging process, its dilemmas, the humorous self-deception, the insights and the adventure of it all. I spent the bulk of my time in beautiful Santa Barbara, CA, but manage to get to NYC a few times times a year. I've been a dancer/dance teacher and dance supporter almost all my life. For the past20years, I help create and produce a month-long creative residency in Santa Barbara for contemporary American choreographers and their dancers. It's been incredibly gratifying. This year, I decided it's time to retire! Big change. I also now spend several weeks a year in Kyoto Japan, residing for several weeks in the spring and the fall. I've been magnetically attracted to Japan for many years. Now I live out a dream to live there part-time.

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