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Have I become a sloth?  (yes)  Does it bother me?  (a little.)  Is it the new normal? (hope not.)

In looking at images of sloths on my computer, I notice they naturally have a small sweet smile on their sweet faces.  Not bad.  But not me, really.  As for the black rimmed eyes, no makeup these days, so it’s a strikeout on that description..

ON the occasion of my recent birthday, a younger first cousin of mine, told me I was the best dancer of all the cousins (of which there were many) and for sure the worst bad ass.  I took that as a high compliment!  Especially the badass part.  Although, as far as I know, they did what was expected of them!

My mother’s admonitions to get up and get dressed, don’t carry much power anymore.  Although that doesn’t mean that I can no longer hear her telling me that.

I am maybe too careful in the Time of Covid?  I stay completely at home most days.  There’s really not much reason to temp fate and go out when there’s really no where I have to go.

“At home” means staying in night clothes for too many hours.  “At home” means lying down on my unmade bed to just lay there and maybe fall asleep for a half an hour? ok, sometimes longer.   “At home” means being somewhat comfortable with this arrangement.  “At home” means walking downstairs to gaze at the quilt blocks I have laid out on the floor, in what is now my sewing room, with the intention of making another quilt, not loving the design yet, but not feeling inspired to change it.  Then, after a few minutes of simply staring at it from various angles, walking back upstairs again.  “At home” means considering the option of baking some oatmeal cookies, but then deciding I don’t need the calories. “At home” means going half way through the collection of papers on my desk and then drifting away from my desk to wander to the kitchen, think again about the oatmeal cookies, and then wander back again to the bedroom. This time around,  I might just look at the bed rather than climb on top of it. “At home” means watching the clouds build up in the hope that a predicted rainstorm will really materialize when the forecast says it will.  I love West Coast rain storms fresh off the Pacific Ocean!

Some days I manage to take a walk around the block.  Some days I don’t.  Most days I do think about it.  And decide I’ll do it later, which of course we all know means, screw it.

Trump’s tenure has begun to feel like a bad dream.  It’s hard to believe he’s really off the scene. I wonder how he’s feeling these days.

I still dream about traveling back to Japan, but that’s too distant an option to spend much time on.  But when I do go, I will plan to stay awhile.  I will make the most of it.  I will get a rail pass. Maybe I’ll have learned enough Japanese to actually carry on a conversation with a local.  I hope my husband will come with me.   Nothing is off the table anymore.  Life is just too short to screw around.



Dianne Vapnek

In an attempt to slow life's quickening pace, I'm writing to share my personal perspective on the aging process, its dilemmas, the humorous self-deception, the insights and the adventure of it all. I spent the bulk of my time in beautiful Santa Barbara, CA, but manage to get to NYC a few times times a year. I've been a dancer/dance teacher and dance supporter almost all my life. For the past20years, I help create and produce a month-long creative residency in Santa Barbara for contemporary American choreographers and their dancers. It's been incredibly gratifying. This year, I decided it's time to retire! Big change. I also now spend several weeks a year in Kyoto Japan, residing for several weeks in the spring and the fall. I've been magnetically attracted to Japan for many years. Now I live out a dream to live there part-time.

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