Uncertainty

Description

Multiple Choice.

Covid is (might be) waning.  LIfe is (will be)getting back to normal.  New patterns will (might) emerge.  I’m in a holding pattern? (I think, I know).

Uncertainty is not a comfortable place to linger. We are creatures who like to KNOW. The times seem to require more comfort be developed with uncertainty and not knowing.

I got burnt out reading the news on a daily basis during Trump’s admin. Some part of my brain closed down during that time. After months of reading and hearing non stop deceit, my brain decided it had had enough and I now find myself uninterested in the details of the political world.  Curiosity might (will not) return.  This is the first time in my adult life when I’ve stepped back from the political arewn and retreated to non action.  I’ve removed my name from most mailing lists. Who is this person that’s been created?  Will she keep evolving?

On the other hand, the world of gardening is (continues to be) of interest. It IS spring, after all.  Just looking at a flower is a kind of miracle, causing other concerns or thoughts to drop away.    I’ll soon try to start a packet of Japanese morning glory seeds.  I view that as a sign of hope and trust in the future!

 

ready for Japan!

I am waiting to return to Japan. I probably won’t be wearing the outfit above. I’d most likely be carted away if I tried to go through customs like that.   It seems as if Japan is not waiting for me.  I cannot plan a trip at the moment because circumstances re covid are too uncertain there, so I wait and read the Japan Times to try and tell which way the wind is blowing. “Don’t go looking for trouble,” said my Mom, her words echoing in my ears.

I am now fully vaccinated. I feel more safe. I may or may not be. Are the variants waiting to attack?  Just counting their time?  Time will tell, as they say.

At the beginning of covid, I learned to shelter in place.  I learned to be satisfied doing a lot less than usual.  Most days, I stayed put. I napped more. I must have become boring to live with, although my husband didn’t say so exactly, I could see it in his face.  Who could blame him?  Be patient, darling, this too shall (might) pass.  If we’re both lucky.

In Conclusion

I know with certainty now there are things I will not be doing in this lifetime.  A flower shop is one of the old dreams.  But that doesn’t mean I no longer enjoy filling my house with seasonal flowers.  Bring them on!  Summer vacations in Nantucket are becoming a lot less likely.  Would it still have the same magic as it did years ago?  I don’t know.  Most likely, not.  Once we moved to California, those visits became a lot less likely.

Travel itself is now more difficult, requiring more energy to just get off my ass. This fact probably will translate into fewer jaunts.

My walking pace has slowed some.  My right hip hurts some. I’m hoping it’s not a prelude of more discomfort to come.  Adjustments will be made as necessary, I think.  They’ll have to be.

So, I am in some in- between space right now.  Maybe we all are.  Not sick, but not exactly thriving either.  Hoping that some spark will emerge to launch 1000 ships and provide a new lease on remaining life.  Maybe a strong spark that provides a meaningful and satisfying direction? A strong spark that will loosen the caution that’s set in and will provide inspiration for continued growth and movement.

Or maybe not.

Here’s an interesting read that goes a little deeper on the subject.  Do read if it interests you.

The Wisdom of Uncertainty

By Anam Thubten Rinpoche
Dianne Vapnek

Dianne Vapnek

In an attempt to slow life's quickening pace, I'm writing to share my personal perspective on the aging process, its dilemmas, the humorous self-deception, the insights and the adventure of it all. I spent the bulk of my time in beautiful Santa Barbara, CA, but manage to get to NYC a few times times a year. I've been a dancer/dance teacher and dance supporter almost all my life. For the past20years, I help create and produce a month-long creative residency in Santa Barbara for contemporary American choreographers and their dancers. It's been incredibly gratifying. This year, I decided it's time to retire! Big change. I also now spend several weeks a year in Kyoto Japan, residing for several weeks in the spring and the fall. I've been magnetically attracted to Japan for many years. Now I live out a dream to live there part-time.

3 Comments

  • MARTIN RINGEL says:

    DIANNE I LIKED BOTH THE WISDOM OF UNCERTAINTY AND THE SPACE IN-BETWEEN. I WOULDN’T ADVISE TRAVELING IN A KIMONO UNLESS YOU WERE SHOPPING FOR OTHERS IN JAPAN TOWN. MY FRIEND YOKO WORKS IN ONE PART TIME. AFTER READING BOTH PIECES I AGREE
    WITH YOUR ASSESSMENT OF THE STATE OF THE WORLD AND THE UNCERTAINTY OF OUR TIMES. THE QUESTION IS HOW DO WE AS INDIVIDUALS DEAL IT. SPEAKING FOR MYSELF AS AN 84 YEAR OLD MAN, I FIND WHAT WORKS BEST FOR ME IS FOLLOWING THE CDC AND STAYING INVOLVED IN ACTIVITIES I ENJOY. YOU LOVE GARDENING AND NATURE AND DANCE. I LIKE TO PLAY TENNIS, THE PIANO AS WELL AS LESSONS IN FRENCH AND SPANISH . DAILY WALKS AND READING NOVELS. I WATCH SOME NEWS, SPORTS AND MOVIES. I SUPPORT ORGANIZATIONS THAT WORK TO MAKE OUR PLANET A BETTER AND MORE JUST. PLACE I STAY CLOSE TO MY SMALL FAMILY AND MANY DEAR FRIENDS LIKE YOU AND DANNY. I HAD A SHORT AND LOVELY VISIT ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO FROM BRETT, BENO AND YOUR TWO LOVELY GRANDCHILDREN. I KEEP POSITIVE AND LOOK FORWARD TO EACH NEW DAY.

  • Keigwin says:

    You have a way of writing about the human condition that makes it easy to relate. Keep writing.

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