How to Kill a Conversation
The dreaded question usually follows my answering the question concerning the number and gender of my offspring. Three daughters and five granddaughters is my simple reply. What?? No boys?? Follows immediately. Ok, you asked for it.
Well, I had a son, but he died of crib death or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) in infancy. Their feeble attempt at humor is crushed immediately. I feel compelled to follow with the following statement, I really don’t care about gender, it’s all about health. There’s always agreement with that.
End of discussion.
It will never be the end for me, I now realize. This date of Aaron’s birthday, September 23, will always hold challenging memories. That’s how it is, especially for the mother. How could it be otherwise? As long as I’m alive, I’m the Keeper of the Flame. I can testify that he was born, lived only a few months and then left us. The worst thing for me is for the world to forget that he lived. He was too young to have developed preferences; a favorite toy or a just a learned word. But he was my son. Yes, I had one! An infant I tried to raise to maturity was not meant for this world. Two healthy, wonderful daughters were to follow. I was made whole again. Or almost whole. Except on September 23, when I am truly broken hearted.
IF MY MEMORY IS ACCURATE, I VISITED YOU WITH SUSAN NOT TOO LONG AFTER YOU LOST YOUR CHILD. WE CAME TO SEE
YOU WHEN DANNY WAS WORKING ON HIS POST DOCTORATE AT YALE.IT WAS A SAD TIME. THE DEATH OF A CHILD NO MATTER WHAT AGE
REMAINS FOREVER. I PLAY TENNIS EVERY FRIDAY WITH ONE OF JEANNIE’S BEST FRIENDS AND SHE LOST HER DAUGHTER MIA WHEN SHE WAS 24 YEARS OLD. IT REMAINS WITH HER EVERY DAY. IT WAS THE SAME WITH MY GRANDMOTHER WHEN SHE LOST HER YOUNGER SON DURING WORLD WAR TWO.
That’s right. I think you visited during a big snow storm. It was a hard time for me. thanks for your kind words. xox
Well stated. Your son lives within you beautiful woman and friend. Love you
Thanks, E.
Dianne, thank you for posting this. I have not forgotten that you list your child, but..,,,I have stored that memory as losing a baby girl, not a boy. My mother lost a boy to a late-term miscarriage before me and it so influenced how both parents were with me. You are brave.
Thanks, Anne. I appreciate your feedback. Death is a fact of life, for sure.
Oh Dianne, I didn’t know this. My heart aches for you, that must be so very hard to bear.
But I’m so glad that you have many young (and young-ish 🙂 men in the dance world who absolutely adore you. ❤️
I send you love, Kate
My heart goes out to you, Dianne (and Danny). Tears welled up in my eyes at the end of this piece (and then starting in the middle of it when my voice cracked while reading it aloud to Michaell.) I for one will remember Aaron now, the day after my birthday each year. Xo
Thanks, Elaine. It’s tough, but such is life. It’s unusual to lose an infant these days, but I think of how common it used to be. Thanks for your support.